i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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