better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize