i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
