woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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