Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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