Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
