Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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