What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
