if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
