Only a mothe r could love this liver
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
