Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
