i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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