I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
