Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
