her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize