I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
