she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
