Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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