Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
