He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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