i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
