This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
