CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize