I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
