how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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