I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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