Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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