I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
