I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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