It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
