Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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