I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm too high and old for this...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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