My sheets look like a crime scene.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
