i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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