my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
