Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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