I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
