If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
