before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
