I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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