Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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