I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
