"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
