put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
