I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
