They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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