so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
