The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
