you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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