I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
