i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
