You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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