I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
