my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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