His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
