if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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