I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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