i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
