I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
