a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
