i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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