Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
