he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
