I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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