i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
