I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
