It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
