i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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