OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
