dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
