My first STD was from a foam party
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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