please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
